Don't You Wish Everyone Came With A Manual?

We are getting a new dishwasher this week and although I’m super excited, I’m also a little nervous about learning how to use the new fangled upgrade.  Lucky for me it will come with a manual.  You all know how important a manual is for any new piece of equipment right?  In case there are any questions on it, I did a little clickety clack to the Googles in order to confirm the definition - a book of instructions, especially for operating a machine or learning a subject; a handbook.  Now I want you to take a moment and really think about where, in addition to machinery, you enjoy holding a manual.  

Think about some of your closest relationships and how you think the other person should behave so that you can feel happy or good.  Most of us have manuals for people in our lives, and we think they should just know what the pages consist of.  You may have a manual for your mother, husband, wife, or boss.  The difference between having expectations, and having a manual lies in the level of emotional happiness you directly tie to the person behaving a certain way.  When your happiness is dependent on how well the other follows your manual you may be disappointed, and in order to feel better find yourself turning to wine or food.  Once you understand this concept you can help ease some suffering in your life.

Think about a person you believe should act a certain way.  For example - I had a client who thought her husband should take out the garbage when it was full, empty his suitcase and move it into the closet and out of the way when he returned from a business trip, fold the laundry when he was home early, and of course take out the dog as often as she did.  She would get so annoyed if he didn’t.  Here’s the thing - some of those expectations were not big on his list of priorities, and the only person bothered by him not doing it, was her.  Keep in mind - she never even asked him to do any of it - it was the manual she had for him, but never let him read it.   

In order to feel better about a relationship you may be struggling with I encourage you to be honest in looking at the manual you have written for them.  You can by all means have requests, and expectations but understand that other people’s behavior has no impact on us emotionally until we think about it, interpret it, and choose to make it mean something.  No matter what other people do we don’t have to give them the power to determine how we feel.  We are in control of the manual we write for ourselves - let’s make it the most amazing manual out there! 

Each week I offer 2 free mini sessions, first come first serve, to women who have had weight loss surgery and find themselves still struggling with food, or have developed a new struggle with overdrinking.  If you want to feel more in control and peaceful  Sign up here to discuss how my program may help you.  Once you sign up you will receive a call in number and appointment reminder.  Some may not be a fit, and that is fine - I consider it a privilege to offer free help in advance.