Life and Love With Your Mate After Losing Weight
I was recently speaking to a woman about her life, post weight loss surgery, and she was told me how the relationship with her husband had changed, In her discussions I came to see how it was the relationship with herself that changed even more, and clearly she was benefiting from it.
Let’s call my gal Sally. Sally was telling me the story of how she gained all her weight. Her husband really liked to eat, and in the past she would often keep up. After having WLS she was not able to eat the same. She also mentioned she didn’t want to eat that much anymore. She clearly had a shift in her thinking.
So now, when her husband recently wanted to go to the buffet he went off with some friends, and she volunteered to care for a sick baby. But here’s the thing - there was no drama in the story. Her husband went to eat, and she did her thing for that bit of time, they came back together, and everyone was fine.
Where people start to face challenges is when one expects the other to change, in order to make them feel a certain way. Sally did not expect her husband to volunteer with her. Her husband was fine with her not joining. Each took time for themselves, and they appreciate each other.
This is not what we learn growing up. We are told we have the ability to make people mad or sad, and they in turn should do specific tasks in order to make us happy. What if this is wrong? Imagine if it really is our thoughts cause our feelings, and vice versa. Try this on - lets start making ourselves happy before we ask someone else to take on such a task.
I know I know - I've also been told "we come together and meet each other’s needs" for a happy marriage. But when people are doing things like over eating (or any activity for that matter) because their significant other does, and finding themselves miserable, I question that advice. How happy are you as you struggle with your weight? Entertain this thought - instead of taking two half’s and making a whole for a happy marriage why not take two whole’s and make an amazing team?
Making yourself happy does not mean you don’t care about others. It means you care so much that you allow them to be themselves, and you show up as your best self. It means you take the pressure off of others and stop manipulating who you are. It means you are able to go after your goals and honor the commitments you make to yourself.
If you have a goal you would like help with I offer free coaching on a limited basis. Hop on the calendar for a complimentary mini session. You get some free coaching, learn about my one on one program, and see if it’s for you, no obligation. Spots are limited to check it out now.
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