When Resisting and White Knuckling Doesn't Work - Try This

I was recently working with a client who discussed how she stopped drinking for an extended period of time, but has since started again.  I hear this often.  So if you have stopped and started in the past and looking for a way to cut back, or stop for good, read on.

I’m not sure why, but we seem to think we should be happy all the time.  Just stay positive and it will be ok we are told.  Well that is not always the case.  Sometimes things are hard.  And thats ok.  Sometimes things in life are negative.  And that’s ok.  We think we have to avoid feeling negative.  That’s not ok.  In fact, that avoidance is what leads us to over eat, over drink, over spend, over porn, over Facebook, etc.  Getting that dopamine hit makes us feel better, and so the cycle continues.  

  

What if 50% of life was supposed to be negative?  Really, think about this - if we didn’t have negative how would we know the contrast of positive?  Imagine if everyone was alway happy and positive and rainbows and butterflies?  Might be kinda creepy if you ask me.  Letting go of the thought you always need to feel good will bring you such freedom.  

So what tends to happen when we start to drink less is we actually have to feel the negative.  We have to feel the anxiety.  We have to feel the restlessness.  And thats OK.  Yes - I'm selling you on signing up for feeling negative - sounds like fun right? Seriously though, take a moment to stop and think about what anxiety feels like in your body.  For me, my head gets a little tense, and my heart starts to race.  You know what?  That’s usually what happens when I get a good workout in,  and I can handle it - in fact, I love it at that time.  You can handle any emotion.

Once you take a pause and notice how you feel, instead of resisting and telling yourself how terrible it is you aren’t having the glass of wine, choose compassion.  Choose to be kind to yourself and recognize it doesn’t feel great, and that’s ok.  This is different than resisting or white knuckling it.  Resisting will typically bring you back to the vicious cycle.  Instead allow it.  Breathe into it knowing it will pass.  When you can just allow the urge you begin to break down the desire - reward cycle.  You begin to decrease the desire, which is the key to cutting back or quitting, and sticking to it.  As you allow more and more you unlearn the habit, stop over drinking, and see that you truly are in control.

Did you know I sometimes offer free one on one confidential coaching?  Limited spots are now open if you want to learn more about how to stop feeling like this habit is out of your control.