Drink Less, Live More

Isn’t it fascinating how much energy we use worrying about what other people will think of us if we do, or not do, something?  This is especially true when we are working to cut back on drinking.  I mean let’s face it - we are a culture that likes to drink. We see it on TV, in the movies, at weddings, and we talk about “mommy juice” - it’s all over.  So it is understandable that challenges arise in this area.  Imagine if you didn’t care what others thought of your drinking? You just show up, stick to the plan, and be proud of yourself the next day.  Sometimes what happens however, is your friends urge you to have just one more, they tell you you used to be more fun, or they tell you you are missing out on the delicious wine. In that moment I encourage you to take a minute.  Really think about all of this. Your friends want you to have another because that is how it has been in the past, or they perhaps don't want to "feel guilty. ...

I was recently speaking to a woman about her life, post weight loss surgery, and she was told me how the relationship with her husband had changed,  In her discussions I came to see how it was the relationship with herself that changed even more, and clearly she was benefiting from it.  Let’s call my gal Sally. Sally was telling me the story of how she gained all her weight. Her husband really liked to eat, and in the past she would often keep up. After having WLS she was not able to eat the same. She also mentioned she didn’t want to eat that much anymore. She clearly had a shift in her thinking. So now, when her husband recently wanted to go to the buffet he went off with some friends, and she volunteered to care for a sick baby. But here’s the thing - there was no drama in the story. Her husband went to eat, and she did her thing for that bit of time, they came back together, and everyone was fine. Where people start to face challenges is when one expects the...

Our brains are so fascinating.  When you do this work and become more aware it is amazing what you find!  For so many of us, the reason we drink is to avoid a feeling.  Most of the women I work with want to cut back, and even when they get to their goal they will want times to make exceptions.  The key is learning not to react or respond to a presented urge, but rather to use the prefrontal cortex to plan these exceptions at least 24 hours in advance, make a commitment to yourself, and stick to it. If you are working with some of the tools I've shared in the past , I want to give you another for these occasions.  I recently used the Exception Tool myself.  I don't love Mother's Day.  Now don't get me wrong - I love my mother and mother in law, and am so grateful for all they do.  I have the utmost respect for moms.  But I'm not one.  So for me, Mother's Day is just that reminder, and I decided ahead of time to make it an exception ...

There are two things that happen when you step on the scale. One is math, the other is drama. For most people who are trying to lose weight, the drama jumps out immediately. If you want to be successful you need to focus on the math. Math is facts - there is not a lot of drama around a math problem. Losing weight is math - you weigh a certain number and you want to lose a certain number. The drama comes into play once you start having thoughts about this number, and thoughts always lead to feelings. When I work with clients who feel frustrated, or disappointed with the scale, they tend to go back to overeating, or eating off plan; which leads to more weight gain. The scale is just a piece of metal. Do not give it so much power. Take back control of your life. I encourage you to begin looking at the process as a lab experiment. Pay attention to where you need to make adjustments along the way. The scale is never the problem - it is always the thoughts you associa...

I find people who have zero desire to drink quite fascinating.  Truth be told, I only know a small few, and I do consider how foreign it seems to me.  For the record, I am not including children in my count - if I did I would have a little larger crew 😉. I continue to do this work and have cut back significantly on my drinking, but I still have some planned wine at times.  So to think about not ever wanting any, ever, has me pondering - what remains? The tools I teach focus so much on the importance of our thinking about drinking in order to make changes.  Today I want you to consider what is left if you take away the drinking with the following questions: * If you took away wine as a source of entertainment, escape, joy, pleasure, activity, or past time how would your life look different? *  How much time would it free up and what might you do with that time? *  How do you think it would affect your emotional state daily?  Why? I will s...

If you have struggled with losing weight, and have tried everything else, I encourage you to consider doing additional research on the importance of insulin, leptin, and ghrelin hormones.  When I work with clients we discuss the elimination of flour and sugar in order to lose weight.  The science supports reducing insulin levels, and getting rid of the processed foods are a key component. Reducing or eliminating theses culprits is easy . Dealing with what comes up when you stop having them is the hard part.   This is where the work is. We have learned to over desire food, and in order to lose weight we have to break that pattern.  We have a thought like "that will taste amazing" , or "I want that" , and we feel desire, then we reward with the food.  The brain receives an unnatural amount of dopamine and now believes this food is necessary for survival.  Because the brain likes to be effeicient is delegates these well practiced thoughts to our lo...

The women I work with struggle with feeling as if they are drinking against their own will. Meaning, they feel like it is just a habit. It is. You know the saying "an old dog can learn new tricks"?  Well, so can some pretty intelligent women 😉.  You can change the habit. You may not be sure if you want to quit, or just cut back. Either is fine. Here is a tool that may help you decide. Take some time today and really think about the pleasures you have in life.  Make a list of the things you do to experience false, intensified, temporary pleasure (over drink, over eat, drama, etc). Now make a list of the things you do to experience natural, temporary pleasure (take a walk, read, bath, workout). Make a list of things you currently do to perpetuate long term well being (learning, accomplishment, relationships). What do you notice about these list? Pay attention to those activities that give you a net negative effect (physical and mental). Do y...

When I speak to clients they often tell me how hard it is for them to lose weight.  They give me all the evidence of how they have never been able to keep it off before, and how they worry this time will be the same. Stop it . Here is the thing my friend.  It will be very challenging if you are looking to your past for evidence to base your success.  You need to begin thinking about your future, and create new beliefs in order to make new changes. Start dreaming . I encourage you begin visualizing yourself at your ideal weight.  Really take the time to think about the following questions : 1.  How do you eat at this weight? 2.  How do you think and feel about food? 3.  How do you dress? 4.  How do you think and feel about your body? 5.  What role does food play in your life? 6.  How is your self-esteem and your relationship with yourself? I'm going to let you in on a secret. Your brain will be revolting . The rea...

Last week we discussed awareness and re-training the brain, when working on drinking less.  This week I want to discuss the importance of allowing urges.  The way we re-wire the brain as we learn to drink less is by allowing urges.  You know what an urge is  - a strong desire or impulse.  It is that voice that says you need to have the glass of wine to relax. I receive the most questions on how to allow an urge. The thing is, most people who have tried to cut back in the past did so with willpower.  Willpower is finite though, and typically not a successful route to take on this adventure.   Dealing with an urge can take a couple forms.   You can resist .  You might tell yourself "I can't have it", "it's not fair", "I'm not able to drink like everyone else".  It may look like the toddler in the grocery store who wants a candy bar and is relentless to mom, throwing a tantrum and carrying on - super uncomfortable.  An...

When was the last time you told yourself brushing you wanted to enjoy brushing your teeth?  My guess is never.  You just know it has to be done, so you have a plan for when you get up, when you go to bed, and maybe in between if you had a little extra garlic 😉. Fascinating though that when it comes to losing weight all of a sudden the obstacle is you don't "enjoy" what  you are eating.  Our society emphasizes the comfort, and love, and joy in food.  Why do we not focus on the energy it provides us to do amazing things in our lives that can bring us the comfort, love, and joy - without the extra weight? Imagine if you didn't struggle with all the negative chatter. What would you be able to focus that brain power on? Here's the thing my friend.  If you want to change the scale, you need to change the brain.  This is not about just eating carrots and calling it a day. It is about finding food you love, that loves your body. It is about f...